Four weeks into our series Strength is Beauty and so far everyone has had a similar response, “Of course women are strong and beautiful.” I was hoping that would be your response, but as a woman it is not just that simple. Finding the right balance is complicated. The world teaches women strength and independence need to be maintained to keep up with the men.  We have created a battle between men and women when we could be strong allies.  This belief is fear based and leads us to fight for all the wrong reasons.  We start fighting our fellow soldier while the enemy goes untouched. We fight because we are afraid of pain and we are desperate to avoid it.



“Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don’t let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She’d never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love…”




Life will be painful no matter what. You cannot avoid pain, but you can learn to fight for all the right reasons. To do so you must first define the real enemy. Your battle is not against men even if you feel a man has hurt you. I assure you even prince charming will hurt you at some point.  This is life. We are human and we cannot avoid hurting one another from time to time.


After a few lessons in fencing I noticed I was afraid to fight because I was afraid my partner would slip up and accidentally hurt me. In order to fight well I had to take the risk and trust my partner knowing his potential to fail me. My partner did slip up at one point causing me a few seconds of pain. It was brief and forgotten the moment I allowed myself to re-enter the fight again. Not all fighting is meant to destroy your partner. If we learn to fight for one another even our mistakes have the power to strengthen our opponent as well as ourselves.


I walked away from class focusing on the beauty of knowing how to fight for all the right reasons. My partner and I were learning to fight together. Our main job was to avoid hurting each-other, but we also had the wisdom to know we were just learning how to fight and that mistakes were bound to happen.  This did not keep us from rehearsing our fight scene, because we were there to strengthen one another instead of fighting to determine who was the stronger opponent.


Men and women whether in a romantic relationship or a professional relationship should learn how to fight together.  We are on the same team. Stop making one another your enemy. Together we can use our differences to strengthen one another rather to tear each other down. I happen to think our differences reveal our divine need for one another.


If you want to fight without fear you must choose to let go of past hurts so you can fearlessly face your future. You must choose to fight with love instead of bitterness.  A heart with pure motives carries more strength than a heart weighed down with destructive thoughts towards others. Don’t look at others as your enemy. Set boundaries if needed, but do not pin your un-forgiveness on another person. This will only entrap you and limit your ability to fight for all the right reasons.