Apologizing for wrongs you have done is a noble thing to do, but to apologize for who you are is a different story. Experts have often referred to this as the ‘sorry syndrome.’ In my final night of learning to use a sword I found myself apologizing for every mistake I made. I wanted to be stronger and more proficient at what I was doing. Every time I was corrected by my instructor I couldn’t help but say the words, “I’m sorry.” The phrase would roll off of my tongue at any given moment. Mostly when I sensed my performance level was unsatisfactory.
My instructor told me to stop apologizing because I had not done anything wrong. I was learning a new skill and apologies were not necessary. Who was I apologizing to my instructor or myself? I felt the need to obsessively apologize for not being perfect. Where did we develop such a lack of patience for ourselves? When we watch a child learn to walk we do not get angry every time they fall? Why are we intolerant of our short comings? Why do we not allow ourselves space to grow into stronger more beautiful individuals?
I found a statement made by Dr. Susan Gaddis of communicationsdoctor.com. She said, “Women say, ‘I am sorry’ much more than men because of our nurturing nature and our desire to make everyone happy.”
A woman of strength and beauty has to abandon the efforts to make everyone happy. This is impossible. It is an invisible pressure you place on yourself that will eventually overtake your life, your worth, and your identity. I find when I apologize to others I actually feel a sense of shame. I feel as if I have failed the other person even if the other person has been completely unaffected by my actions. Take the weight off of your shoulders and allow yourself to be unapologetically you.
5 Steps to Becoming an Unapologetic Beauty
- Take some time with yourself. Determine what it is that you are feeling that causes you to obsessively apologize. It might be helpful to take notes throughout the day. Notice every time you feel the need to say sorry or a time you actually find yourself apologizing for no reason. Determine the… Who? When? Why?
- Once you have the basics dig a little deeper. What is your motive for saying sorry? What are you trying to accomplish with your apology? Forgiveness? Peace? To lay low? Fear of further conflict?
- Come to terms with the fact that most obsessive apologizers are actually suffering from low self esteem and they are apologizing to themselves as a measure to cover up their sense of unworthiness. Stop yourself in the moment and choose to become an unapologetic beauty.
- Be aware of what deserves a sorry and what does not. Of course there are times when you need to apologize just make sure you know the difference. Make a list if you have to.
- Make changes in your vocabulary. Sometimes saying sorry is just a habit. Break the habit and learn to use a new phrase.