I was talking to my fiancé yesterday when an unexpected revelation slipped out of my mouth. It was literally a moment where I had no idea what was coming out. I guess the ancient proverb is true, ‘Out of the heart the mouth speaks.’ At least that was his response when he saw the look on my face. The weight of the revelation coming out of my mouth was a truth that would forever hold me accountable as a woman.
This revelation came about as I was enjoying my pumpkin ice-cream talking about something I had noticed in a lot of the conversations I was having with other women. I noticed we have a tendency to deal with the same issue for years. Often times you can find yourself one year later at the same coffee shop, with the same person, having the same conversations you’ve been having all year. In the middle of my processing I said, “I think most women talk because they want comfort not because they actually want their circumstances to change.” AHHHHH…I knew I was guilty of the revelation proceeding from my lips. My fiancé is the best problem solver I know, but too often I turn to him to be babied in my circumstances. Anytime I am sharing my ‘woe is me’ stories he jumps straight into fix it mode. Often I get super annoyed by his tendency to fix it until I realize how helpful it is to step out of my pity party and actually fix my circumstances. Instead, I want him to pamper me so that I don’t have to embrace growing pains.
I have found that as women we tend to gravitate towards people who will coddle us rather than sharpen us. We take the path of least resistance and refuse to develop muscles needed for success. The more I reflected on my own tendency to shy away from permanently fixing my problems the more I began to see it as if I was in a burning building and my fiancé was leading me to the exit. His ‘fix it‘ advice keeps me from remaining in a burning building. How foolish right? Who would refuse advise of someone escorting you out of the flames?
Thank God for males! If females only interacted with one another we would only value the art of expressing ourselves. We would believe we needed our one hour soap boxes to release our negative feelings. While I do believe there is a place to speak your heart I have learned for myself it is better to express yourself and remain teachable so you do not have to keep expressing the same problem over and over again. I am used to dwelling on things for long periods of time, but this is not good for my heart, my mind, or my soul. The process of growing and changing bad habits is not pleasant, but it is very freeing. We don’t like to acknowledge we are trapped in a prison with our negative emotions, our fears, or our personal insecurities. The only way to break out of your prison walls is to find a way to fix the recurring problem you are facing whether it is relationally, professionally, or internally.
I’ve learned this is the beauty that can be learned from the male species. Some women are better at fixing problems than others, but if we are honest with ourselves we would all be a lot better off if we took the advice of the healthy males in our lives. We should try to stop ourselves from wasting hours of our life and the lives of others by bringing up the same woes we have been stuck on for years. If you want to be a woman of beauty, of strength, and of character you must remain teachable and ready to fix it. You must keep yourself in a vulnerable position learing from others and refusing to believe you know everything. You must learn to trust others rather than only relying on your own strength. And, last but not least you must be willing to grow and determined to not remain the same.